Lilly Rae's Birth Story

On Saturday, June 9, I was already a little past my due date (June 6) and at the advice of my doula, I was trying to think of the time as extra time that Darren and I get to spend together as a couple.  I thought this was such a nice perspective and it really helped me.  So Darren and I did some shopping together, took a nice walk and decided to go out to dinner that night.  Meanwhile, apparently Darren had posted as his Facebook status “It’s a great day to have a baby” and people were thinking I was in labor.  I did not know this until my friend Jess texted me to tell me she was thinking of me, and how strong I was and that she loved me (thinking I was in labor).  Oops!  However, it turns out that Darren’s Facebook status was more telling than he intended.  

At about 7:30 that evening, I was on Skype with my mom and telling her that I was not going to be anxious about Lilly’s arrival anymore and I was going to just let her come on her own time.  We talked for a while and toward the end, I started having menstrual-like cramps.  This had happened before and turned out to be nothing, so I just continued talking and ignored it.  After we said goodbye, Darren and I were ready to go and get some dinner.  When I used the bathroom before we left the house, there was some blood.  The midwife had told me I might have some spotting after Friday’s appointment, but my instinct told me this was different.  I told Darren and I decided to call the doctor, just in case.  I left my info with the answering service and told Darren that we should just go to dinner.  When the midwife called back, she told me that it was probably an early sign of labor and that I should start timing contractions.  She said I could go to the hospital now if I wanted, but I didn’t want to.  My birth plan was to labor at home during all of early labor and not go to the hospital until labor was active.  So we continued our evening and ate at Los Tres Meyueres (our favorite Mexican restaurant).  Now, in hindsight, Mexican food might now have been the wisest decision, especially for my amazing husband who decided to venture from his normal fare and try the Chicken Diablo (which if you know anything about Mexican food, means really, really spicy!)

When we got home, it was pretty clear that I was in early labor, so we packed our bags and got all of our stuff into the car and ready to go.  By then it was about 9:30, but my contractions were still very mild and I did not want to go to the hospital yet.  So we put on a movie (The Hangover 2).  I was a little too antsy to just sit and watch a movie, so I decided to bake a batch of muffins.  (You can make them too!  Check out the recipe: http://travisjessjones.blogspot.com/2012/03/banana-oatmeal-muffins.html)  By about 11:30, I could no longer talk through contractions and I needed to start concentrating and breathing through them.  Darren was timing them on his phone, so I was just call out “start” and “stop” to let him know when.  I liked to be upright during these contractions, but also leaning forward, so I would often kneel on the couch facing the back and put my arms over the back of the couch for support.  I also liked the motion of rocking my hips back and forth.  This is something that was recommended in all of the books I read to help position the baby, but it was amazing how instinctual this motion was.  I didn’t even think about it, I just did it. 

As the intensity increased around 12:30, Darren suggested I get into the tub to try to relax.  It felt nice to lay in the bath and close my eyes and relax.  Darren kept a cold compress on my forehead or neck to help relax me as well, since the heat was becoming a little much.  He was doing a great job staying calm, but I could tell he was starting to get anxious and wanted to go to the hospital (though I give him a lot of credit for never voicing this and allowing me to make this decision).  So we called Kalan, our doula, around 1:45 and decided it was time to go.  She said she would be there in 15 minutes.  I was glad we waited for her to come to the house because the contractions were picking up and she helped me breathe and relax a little before getting into the car.  I was really not looking forward to a 20 minute car ride and not being able to move or rock how I wanted, but we got through it.  I think I only yelled at Darren once for breathing too fast instead of following my pace.  I think he was just so nervous that he had a hard time concentrating on breathing when he was trying to drive (for which I don’t blame him). 

Check in was very smooth because we had pre-registered.  They do not make you sit in a wheelchair anymore (though I am sure some women might want to) and they were very kind about letting Darren leave the car where it was until he was ready to come and park it.  They showed us to our room and told me to get into the hospital gown.  The nurse who was working with us (I think her name was Kim?) explained a few things to me and asked if I had a birth plan.  We gave it to her and she told us that even though we did not want medication, she would be required to ask me about my pain level often.  She also asked me to consent to a Hep Lock, which is basically an IV port in case IV medication is needed in the event of an emergency.  At first I said that would be fine, but later I changed my mind and decided I did not want it (more on why this was a great decision later).  Kim did not seem very warm or friendly, but I was not really paying much attention to anyone except Darren and Kalan at that point anyway. 

Strangely enough, a very short time later, a nurse named Alicia came into my room and said she would be my nurse.  I am convinced that once they found out that I wanted an unmedicated childbirth that they made an attempt to pair me up with a nurse who is supportive of this.  Alicia had given birth without medication herself and was very supportive.  She didn’t need to do much since I had Darren and Kalan, but she was certainly not asking me about my pain level every 10 minutes, and in fact, never asked me at all.

Labor is a bit of a blur.  I don’t mean it was a blur because I was out of it at the time it was happening, it is a blur because the pain of it and the details ceased to matter as soon as I had Lilly in my arms.  I know we changed position a lot and the only time I was lying in a bed was when they had to have me on a fetal heart rate monitor.  I did not like lying down during this process at all.  I used the birthing ball, the bath, laid over the top of the bed, leaned on Darren and Kalan and even labored on the toilet.  I think the various positions and the fact that I was upright really helped to keep my labor short.  I don’t remember what any of it felt like, to be perfectly honest.  Pain is pain in the end, and it was pain with a purpose and pain that was bearable.  I will never tell anyone it was easy, but I truly believe it was worth it in the end.  I do remember the worst part of the labor was when the midwife or nurse checked me during a contraction.  Not only did I have to be lying down in the bed for this (which was a position I hated during labor), but it was added discomfort and I had trouble focusing and breathing correctly.  Of course, like all the rest of it, I don’t actually remember the pain of it, but I just remember that it was not pleasant. 

After a few more hours, I was 9 cm dilated (10 is considered complete) and I was fully effaced (this means that my cervix was completely thinned and ready for birth), however, the baby was remaining at -1 station (which means she was still not low enough in the birth canal).  At this point, my water had also not broken.  We were thinking Lilly would be born in the bag of waters (which is completely safe and actually considered good luck).  The midwife gave me the option of breaking my bag of waters because she felt it was hindering the baby’s progress.  It was not medically necessary, but she felt that my labor would be prolonged if we did not take this step.  She was very clear that breaking the bag of waters would speed up contractions and make them much more intense, and she was clear that it was completely my decision as there was no medical indication either way.  I respected this approach a lot and even in my sleep-deprived state (remember, we got to the hospital at 2:30 a.m. and by now it was about 10 a.m.) I was sure I knew what I needed to do.  I asked them to break my water.  I was exhausted and ready to meet my daughter.

I don’t remember what it felt like for her to break my water (maybe you don’t feel it at all), but she basically used what looked like a crochet hook and literally broke the bag of waters.  I definitely felt the fluid gush and then the worst contraction of them all.  It was long and strong, and it caught me a little off guard.  What’s more, the natural urge to push started.  I can’t really explain it other than it’s similar to the feeling of having to go to the bathroom badly.  Your body just takes over and knows what it wants to do.  Kalan and the nurse, Anne, started asking me if I was feeling the urge to push, and I told them (between grunts) that I think I was pushing.  The contractions were coming right on top of each other at this point and I was completely exhausted.  I had originally wanted to stand or squat while pushing, but unfortunately, my legs were so tired that I could not support my weight without my legs shaking, so I had to sit upright in the bed with my knees pulled up to my chest.  Kalan and Anne were coaching me on my pushing “technique” but, as I had wanted, the pushing was spontaneous and not dictated by counting or a monitor or anything like that.  Like I said before, my body knew when it was time to push, I just gave in to the process. 

After about 50 minutes of pushing, the baby was crowning.  They told me to put my hand on my baby.  I reached down and touched her head and was honestly a little freaked out!  I think I jerked my hand away.  This did give me a surge of energy though, and her head was out in the next push.  Kalan told me to look at my baby, so I looked down and I could see her head.  I cried out, “It’s Lilly” and I was more determined than ever to get her out.  The midwife (Mary Charles) and Anne told me to wait, but I couldn’t.  The next contraction I was pushing; I couldn’t help it.  While they scrambled to get prepared to “catch” Lilly, I was pushing and in just a few short minutes, my beautiful daughter was being placed on my chest for our first meeting.  She was still a bit messy and attached to her umbilical cord, but I swear she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I was instantly in love.  Darren and I were both completely overwhelmed with emotion and were crying tears of absolute bliss.  Lilly’s eyes were open and she was already so alert and responsive, it was unbelievable.  She even lifted her head at one point and, though it was wobbly, she looked at us.  The feeling I had during these first moments is not something I can describe other than to say it was the best feeling I have ever felt or can ever imagine feeling.  No pain or fatigue mattered at this point; I was absolutely in love with Lilly and also more in love with Darren than I had ever been before.  We were a family and our new life was starting at this very moment. 

Our doula captured my expression as soon as Lilly was born

Lilly was placed on my chest immediately after birth.

It was incredibly overwhelming and the most wonderful feeling I have ever experienced.

She cried for only a few seconds.

Darren and I were beyond words happy and we loved her more than we knew possible...

We also fell more deeply in love ourselves

She calmed down within moments.

 They put a hat on her head for warmth and she started the "breast crawl", searching for food

 You'd never guess that I had been through 12 hours of labor and had not slept since the night before by the smile on my face (maybe from the hair though!)

 Our family...

we could not be happier.

As was stated in our birth plan, they waited to cut the umbilical cord until it had stopped pulsing.  I was proud of Darren for deciding to cut the umbilical cord because he was not sure he had wanted to previously.  Lilly was still lying on my chest during this time and was beginning to search for my breast to start her first feeding.  It was amazing to see her little head wobbling around and her tiny mouth rooting around trying to find my nipple.  Once she found it, she began to search around with her lips and tongue and with the help of a nurse, was able to latch on for the first time.  It was beautiful to watch my daughter, only minutes old, already nursing and bonding with me in a way only mother and child can.  This added to my already euphoric state.  Meanwhile, it was time to deliver the placenta.  Normally this is done through a dose of Pitocin, however because I had given birth naturally and was producing the needed hormones naturally because of my state of bliss and Lilly breast feeding, I did not need the Pitocin and I was able to quickly and easily deliver the placenta.  Had I accepted the Hep Lock from before, I may have been given the Pitocin regardless, because it is rare that the placenta detaches and is delivered without intervention.  This is another reason why I am glad I decided not to get the Hep Lock (and something to consider for future mamas in training). 

Without getting into too much detail, I was able to hold Lilly and enjoy a solid 90 minutes or more with her while the midwife and a doctor did some repairs.  No, it was not ideal that repairs had to be done, but I hardly noticed what was going on as I stared into my beautiful baby’s eyes and enjoyed every one of her first moments with us.  It wasn’t until a nurse politely asked if she could weigh Lilly that we were separated temporarily (though I could still see her).  I appreciated so much that the nurse asked my permission to weigh her and did not simply take her or tell me that she was going to take her.  I was so impressed by how seriously the staff took this bonding time and the respect they allowed us as a family to simply be together.  We were never rushed at all.  Before the nurse weighed her, she asked people to make their guesses.  Darren guessed 7 lbs 8 oz, and a few of the nurses made guesses as well.  I guessed she weighed 11 lbs.  I was joking of course, but I think the nurses were impressed that Darren and I were making jokes (because you know Darren was making jokes as well). Lilly weighed 8 lbs 8 oz and was 19 ½ inches long at birth.  I must say I was very happy she didn’t take after her mommy and weigh 9 lbs 15 oz at birth (sorry Mom!), but most importantly, she was healthy and already doing well.  I still cannot believe how alert and strong she was as soon as she was born.  I had read that this is often true with babies born without medication, but I had no idea she would be eyes wide open and lifting her head up!

We were soon moved to the post partum side of the hospital and brought to our room (25).  I know I should have slept since I had been up for over 24 hours and, well, I had just had a baby, but there was so much adrenaline and so many endorphins in my system from this incredible experience that I could not sleep.  I just wanted to sit in bed and hold my beautiful baby girl.  We had a lot of nurses coming in and out that day anyway, so I wouldn’t have been able to sleep for long.  Darren and I both managed to shower and Lilly was taken to the nursery for her very first bath.  Then our first visitors, Jared and Carissa, arrived!  Carissa came in first while Jared waited in the car with Addie and Drew since kids under 12 are not permitted unless they are siblings.  We visited with Carissa while Lilly was still getting her bath, but then Carissa was able to meet her and hold her.  Darren and I were very grateful because Jared and Carissa also brought Darren a sub from Jersey Mike’s and me a milkshake J  Darren was pretty hungry because he does not get a meal from the hospital and although I shared what I had, I know he was not getting enough food and did not want to “take” food from me.  I didn’t have the forethought to take pictures when Jared and Carissa visited, unfortunately, but I know they both were so happy to meet Lilly and welcome a new member of our extended North Carolina “family”. 

As you probably know from all that I have shared on this blog throughout my pregnancy, I am very open to sharing information.  If you are a mama in training and want to know more about labor and delivery, recovery or anything else that they don’t tell you in the books, please feel free to ask.  I am glad I had people to ask and be honest with me before going through this experience, but there were still a few things that took me by surprise that I wish I had known more about. 

Please check my next entry for more pictures of Lilly Rae’s first three weeks!